Short Story

The Dark Lord raises his saber and in two swift strokes, her arms came right off before her very eyes. The scorching heat from the saber burns the open wound and leaves no blood. She did not scream nor cry even as her dismantled arms lay motionless beside her.

“How did you get hold of our secret plans?” asked the Dark Lord.

“I didn’t! It was all over your twitter!” She replied.

“Damn! I knew I should have set my tweets to protected!” said the dark lord.

“Oh well, doesn’t matter, what’s done is done. And now my Hime-sama, we will discuss the location of your hidden Rebel base”

“Never!” replied the Princess.

“Do not force me to slice off any more of your limbs! Though I must admit you have very beautiful legs and I will love to have them for my personal collection. I’m sure they will look great along with my other trophies but please corporate with me and we can end things peacefully right now!”

“Not to mention I am running late for my lunch appointment with mother. Hate it when we have relatives coming over! So anyway, Hime-sama what say you?”

“Never! I will never betray my people!” replied the Princess.

“Brave words, but foolish! I shall now proceed to claim your legs for my collection before my beam saber run out of battery!” said the Dark Lord.

The Princess closes her eyes and expects the worst. Numerous things went through her mind as she awaits her fate. The ongoing war, the livelihood of her people and how she will have no need of her Jimmy Choo shoes anymore. Just as the Dark Lord was about to make his move, a bluff of smoke materialised out of the blue between the two and when it become visible again, the Princess was nowhere to be seen.

“Curses! This is not good. The boss will not like this. I will never get that Assistant Manager position if I screw this up again. He will probably give the job to Bob that bootlicker! Argh! And mom is so going to kill me! I’m so late! Hope the traffic isn’t a killer. I hate this job! Should have become an accountant like what mom said,” grumbled the dark lord.

——————

Slightly dazed, she opens her eyes to find herself on a bed covered with a blanket that looks and smells as if it hasn’t been washed for month. The surrounding was dark except for a small candle beside the bed.

“So you are finally awake?” said a man’s voice from the shadows.

“Who goes there? Show yourself!” asked the Princess.

The man switches on the lights and the Princess found herself in a bedroom of some sort, with posters of Manchester United footballers all over the walls.

“I rescued you, you could at least say thanks”, said the man.

“Where am I?” asked the Princess.

“My house. By the way may I ask you something?” said the man.

“What?” said the Princess.

“Why aren’t you wearing any pants?” said the man.

“Does it concern you whether or not I am wearing any pants?” said the Princess, somewhat annoyed.

“It certainly does! I mean, who walks around in board daylight, or moonlight for that matter, in pantsu right?” said the man.

“Maybe it’s because you haven’t seen me yet”, said the Princess.

“OK fine! Have it your way!” said the man, slightly annoyed as well.

“Who are you?” asked the Princess.

“I’m a farmer. If you are really interested to know, I like to play the piano, download movies with BitTorrent, rearrange all my songs on the Ipod. I blog as well, goes to the gym every Tuesday, watch the high school female baseball team practicing every Thursday and do the laundry every Saturday. Sunday I usually stays at home. And oh I cook as well, but hates eating vegetables. Don’t ask me why a farmer would hate eating greens…”

“OK so anyway. Listen, sorry I couldn’t retrieve your arms else I could fix it back for you”, said the man.

“Are you a surgeon as well?” asked the Princess.

“No, not really”, replied the man.

“What makes you think you can attach my arms back when you are not even a doctor!?” said the Princess.

“I watch ER on TV. Learn a thing or two. That’s good enough right? ” said the man.

“NO! I seriously wonder where you get that kind of confidence from!” said the Princess.

She feels like spreading her arms wide and swinging them up and down but unfortunately could not do so since she does not have them anymore. So she sways her body back and forth instead.

“OK I got it! I’ll build you a pair of mecha arms then?” said the man.

“You know how to build mecha arms!?” said the Princess, unconvinced.

“More or less.” said the man.

“How so may I ask!?” said the Princess.

“Well, I build gundam kits, not that I’m boosting but I’m pretty good at this. I have 21 MGs, 69 HGs, 42 HGUC I’m planning to start on PG 00 next week…” said the man.

“Hello! Excuse me but don’t you need to have proper qualification for this!!! Have a university degree on engineering, electrical, mechanics or something!?” said the Princess, frowning and swinging her body to and froth.

“Hey There’s always google. The Internet has answers to all sort of problems right? I can also ask the people on Facebook ya?” said the man. “OK?”

“Not OK at all!” said the Princess, slightly angry now.

“Hey so you want it or not?” said the man.

An awkward silence ensures.

“Well… Doesn’t seems like I have much choice. I mean how much worse can it possibly get right? OK let’s do it!”

“We’ll do it tomorrow”, said the man.

“Why not today?” said the Princess.

“I’m busy today”, said the man.

“Busy with what?” asked the Princess.

“Busy with something”, replied the man.

“What is that something?” asked the Princess.

“Football, today is the big match”, replied the man.

END

Pic by Agito

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About sergeant gordon

TD8316, proud member of the 501st Legion 銀河帝国五〇一軍团。 Loves anime, Sasara, photography and looking for droids, pretty ones.
This entry was posted in Personal. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Short Story

  1. chun says:

    LOL at the familiar references 😄

  2. YuKi-To says:

    nice use of all the references! =P

  3. AK says:

    No ero. 😐

    Will wait for chapter two when character development between the princess and the farmer builds up. *rubs hands together in glee*

  4. JanKn says:

    So much references. I’m proud I actually got most of them. 😄

  5. Garion says:

    LOL. Excellent story hahaha!!!

    Too bad it ended so soon….I wanted Chapter 2…got any epilogue? 😛

  6. nanopulp says:

    Aww. This is so SFW.

    A lightsaber can run for years btw, cuz it’s a closed energy loop and only loses energy from contact with other things.

    Just saying. :/ (The Darkling could have forgot to recharge after slicing too many walls.)

  7. kiddai says:

    LOL!! with all those references xD

  8. Pingback: Gordonette fan art « Agito's Anonmouys Crap Blog

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