Understanding the Real Needs of Others

I was chatting with an old buddy online the other day. He poured his woes to me saying how difficult it is to please his girlfriend despite all the effort he put in. How everything he has done for her seems not to her liking.

So I said: “Maybe it’s because you don’t know what she really wants?”

A guy may be good to a girl but it may not be the kind of good that she wants. Most of the time, it’s probably because the guy doesn’t understand her heart.

When the guy is being bad to the girl, obviously he is wrong. But sometimes even when he is being good to her, he can also be wrong. So why is being good to her also wrong?

Guys must be aware that the effort you put into the girl, is it something, be it anything, you want to give? Or is it something that she wants? (是你想给的,还是她想要的?) Guys often think that whatever they do for the girl will make her appreciate him but that is not always the case. Even if you put in a lot of effort but it is the wrong effort, not only are you wasting your time, the girl might find you annoying as well.

Take for example on a hot sunny day, you are thirsty and all you want is a can of ice cold beer but the waiter gave you a glass of wine instead. Sure the wine is expensive but is that what you want to drink on a hot sunny day?

Putting in effort is important yes but it must be the right effort. Here’s another example, imagine a couple, one day the girlfriend falls sick and is hospitalized. The boyfriend only comes to take a look at her and leave. Needless to say, the girlfriend is very angry over his lack of concern but chooses to keep quiet.

One day, it was the boyfriend who was hospitalized. The girlfriend took good care of him, pour drinks for him, feed him his medicine, peel him an apple, read to him etc. So she said to his boyfriend, “See, I’m so good to you when you are sick, why can’t you do the same for me when I am sick?”

The boyfriend just laughs it off, “Actually all I want is to take a nap.”

Different people have different expectations for one another. Misunderstanding often arises when we fail to grasp the true needs of one another. Do not blindly do things you think will impress her without understanding her first. Both of you will just end up torturing each other.

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About sergeant gordon

TD8316, proud member of the 501st Legion 銀河帝国五〇一軍团。 Loves anime, Sasara, photography and looking for droids, pretty ones.
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36 Responses to Understanding the Real Needs of Others

  1. gordon says:

    Slight off topic since we are on the topic of giving.

    Sometimes guys has a (bad) habit of expecting the girl to respond profoundly to his gifts, to the point of disappointment if she doesn’t. Guys shouldn’t be petty. Sure it makes us feel appreciated if she likes the gift and expresses it in actions. But the act of giving should be selfless. Don’t give for the sake of giving or expect something in return. We give because we want her to be happy. In the process, hope that it will leave a good impression on her. But we shouldn’t force it.

  2. double says:

    I think the main thing here is being badass. It’s supposed to work everytime.

  3. tj han says:

    True but girls should just get the fuck back into the kitchen and make us sandwiches.

  4. Kodomut says:

    Summary: Don’t try to plug in USB port into a Firewire port. If you try to force it in, you just might short-circuit the whole system ^^

  5. FatB says:

    LOL You’re funny.

  6. kiddai says:

    I like this post ^^
    Somehow it reminds me of my silly effort to understand a person. But never got it right. Where I care for the person a lot, but ends up like a dumbass because the person doesn’t care as much as I did.
    So here I am, sitting and caring less of the society around me

    • gordon says:

      everything we been through is an valuable experience no matter how silly it is. in fact silly encounters can also turn out to be good lessons.

  7. wongtcsg says:

    So in the end, what does the girl in your story wants?
    I am curious.

  8. Roy says:

    haha wow pretty funny and weird comments you have there xD

    but nevertheless it just get’s down to taking the girl somewhere romantic and alone and just talking about things, each others feelings, what should I do, telling sorry’s, i love yous and I wont do it again. Communication can do wonders for you 🙂 that’s how we understand each other right ;D

  9. DemonickAngel says:

    the real need usually shows it when the girl agrees to marry you.

  10. puppy52doll says:

    Interesting hehe I am reminded of a time when a boy I used to like just picked a wild daisy from the ground and gave it to me, and it made me really happy, partly because it was something which I only fantasize about (not in perverted way la) LOL. But I guess it was also that he thought about me 😛
    I agree about the giving part (for yourself? Or for her/him).

  11. phossil says:

    Sometimes things gets complicated and it becomes more about what she wants or expects, because maybe she/he dont really now what really wants. Well, maybe there is no a good reason for it, but it can happen.

    I think we try to do our best in the relationships and do whatever we can to please both sides (giving/receiving).

  12. louki says:

    But… but… it’s just impossible to understand girls ! They complicates everything !

  13. All the major drama in my life has been caused by people refusing to understand one another. (And not just romantically speaking)

    I knew a guy who tried to ask a girl out, but she refused, since she only thought of him as a friend. Over the course of a year he went out of his way so many times to please her, but it never worked and only made her uncomfortable. Yet he couldn’t understand why. The whole situation didn’t turn out pretty in the end. :/

  14. Q says:

    Misunderstanding often occurs because the way how guys think different from the girls (a natural thing). Guys often want it get things done/solved quick and simple. Girls on the other hand can be the opposite way round, and guys don’t understand why girls have to behave this way sometimes. The fact that they may think differently and may not understand how the other gender thinks or intepret things can lead to conflicts, but that’s how people get to realise and come along eventually (the hard way?).

    Time is definitely an important essence to build things up and get one to understand another, but in high stress environments e.g. a lot of places in Asia, people tend to make premature judgements too quickly and therefore make things more difficult than they should have been.

  15. konadora says:

    I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one thinking the same way ^^;

    I had a girlfriend once. I thought I was doing my best, until I realised that I wasn’t doing anything that she wanted, and that really hurt the both of us. She saw me putting in my best effort although it wasn’t what she wanted, and I was putting in my best effort yet it wasn’t what she wanted.

    You know how it ended up soon after ^^;

    But needless to say, I’ve learnt a lot about this after watching animes. No joke. I’m being serious here.

    Watching animes with those guys going all bad towards the girl, I tend to think from the female character’s perspective and think “why isn’t he doing that instead?”

    • gordon says:

      thanks for sharing your story. girls are hard to understand but not impossible. just that it takes more effort, the right effort. good luck buddy.

  16. gordon says:

    the more one says, the more wrong one will get…

  17. Shinky says:

    Ahahaha.. This is a nice write up! Nice animes illustrations too~!

  18. Blowfish says:

    I luckily (?) never had any problems with this yet.
    The needs of others are always hard to understand.You have only your own needs to compare but your needs dont equal that of others.
    Its hard to understand and some people never will.

  19. keijinsou says:

    Wow, you got that well! I like it. I think we just have to learn to communicate more~ 😀

  20. . . .

    I problem this first…

    no girl friend to annoy….

  21. kevinlmw says:

    ah your situation just similar to me, a lot of my friends rant this kind of topic to me.
    i have no gf, so definitely no problem for me.

    But guys usually don`t expect anything return other than a smile and a simple `thanks` from her.

    Unfortunately, understanding different opposite gender is always tough since each people is different. Sometime girls should be at least tell/express some of her preference, but usually they say they don`t mind (but actually mind)

    that the reason i rather find a gf who at least express herself or honest with me. I mean i just a common guys, not someone can read your mind.

    I found majority girls like you to guess instead of giving you a answer,seriously no kidding it like 19 out of 20 girls i know are like that lol. Of course, if you guess wrong they disappointed and if you don`t guess she say you are not fun.
    hahahah it like a situation where pitfall is both infront of you and behind you XD

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