I was chatting with an old buddy online the other day. He poured his woes to me saying how difficult it is to please his girlfriend despite all the effort he put in. How everything he has done for her seems not to her liking.
So I said: “Maybe it’s because you don’t know what she really wants?”
A guy may be good to a girl but it may not be the kind of good that she wants. Most of the time, it’s probably because the guy doesn’t understand her heart.
When the guy is being bad to the girl, obviously he is wrong. But sometimes even when he is being good to her, he can also be wrong. So why is being good to her also wrong?
Guys must be aware that the effort you put into the girl, is it something, be it anything, you want to give? Or is it something that she wants? (是你想给的，还是她想要的?） Guys often think that whatever they do for the girl will make her appreciate him but that is not always the case. Even if you put in a lot of effort but it is the wrong effort, not only are you wasting your time, the girl might find you annoying as well.
Take for example on a hot sunny day, you are thirsty and all you want is a can of ice cold beer but the waiter gave you a glass of wine instead. Sure the wine is expensive but is that what you want to drink on a hot sunny day?
Putting in effort is important yes but it must be the right effort. Here’s another example, imagine a couple, one day the girlfriend falls sick and is hospitalized. The boyfriend only comes to take a look at her and leave. Needless to say, the girlfriend is very angry over his lack of concern but chooses to keep quiet.
One day, it was the boyfriend who was hospitalized. The girlfriend took good care of him, pour drinks for him, feed him his medicine, peel him an apple, read to him etc. So she said to his boyfriend, “See, I’m so good to you when you are sick, why can’t you do the same for me when I am sick?”
The boyfriend just laughs it off, “Actually all I want is to take a nap.”
Different people have different expectations for one another. Misunderstanding often arises when we fail to grasp the true needs of one another. Do not blindly do things you think will impress her without understanding her first. Both of you will just end up torturing each other.